Friday, July 9, 2010

"untitled like those songs"

Untitled, It is.
SENT TO A FRIEND 11:20 PM - 10/26/2009

There can't be much to say about her loneliness except it dwelled within and was not a monster to mess with. He could have gone on believing that she understood what he wanted to say to her when it happened; but it happened very suddenly without time to explain the outrage that would soon come between them.

They lived in a large city with large city cars, yellow cars that drove people around, green cars that helped the environment, small cars for large sums of money. A lot of people lived in their apartment building without regard to how high the electric bill was, the compensation given for mold and rust in the walls and pipes. The manager believe they deserved the tax. She spoke about her loneliness as if nothing mattered anymore. She was a lonely girl who was stagnant and unwilling of the help he could not give. So he worried at work about her and thought she might give him a call.

The black business phone on his desk never rang the entire day. Not until his day ended and he had gone home. A coworker informed the next day that the woman he loved and was secretly expecting a call from had rung up. She wanted to know where the steak knife was.

The man replied, "I know of that."
The coworker, curious and oblivious, tapped on the desk off the side of his tall figure. "Really? Did she reach you by cellphone?"
The man shook his head, a hand holding onto a pointy and curved and angular object in his pocket. "No."
The coworked then shrugged a little, as if ready to put off the rest of the conversation. "Oh."

"She killed herself-"
"With the telephone."
"Because she told me she was lonely, I took out all the knives and a gun I had found in the closet."
"But how..."
"I don't know, she... the police are still investigating. I'm going in for questioning quite soon."
"I'm really sorry." Without physical consolation the coworker glanced to the left.
"How come you're at work today? Shouldn't you take time off, you must not feel very good."

The man kept the same tired look on his face that he came in with. "She didn't like me, ever. I can't feel very sad for someone who told me I didn't know her. She was lonely with me and only had that damn phone."

"What phone?"
"The only she killed herself with."

An explanation I had attached to the email: ( The woman killed herself with something she loved and didn't feel lonely with. No one feels lonely with a phone because you can call anyone with it. Your family, or friends, or people you know. The phone is never a lonely thing so it symbolizes how she didn't want to die alone because dying itself is a scary thing and she needed comfort. She called the man at work to ask for the steak knife so as to hear a voice, so nobody would know that she didn't want to die alone. Though it's nearly impossible for anyone to figure this out, she did it anyway. She decided to die with everyone that has ever been talked to on that phone; and out of remorse and guilt he should feel, the last person she died with was him. )

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